I am met with respect
“Please keep your dog on a short lease!” – I jumped onto the grass verge with my dog without even thinking. A well-trained, grey-haired man jogged past me, nodded quickly and ran on.
I was impressed: Although his sentence was phrased as a polite request, his voice was clear and emotion-free: it was neither a request nor a command. This demand came so free of emotions it did not trigger any emotional reaction in the other person: me. No resistance, no feelings of guilt, no rebellion, no riposte. I am certain that man was accustomed to leadership. How else would he develop such a clear way of expressing himself which led me to obey without hesitation.
Another example: I am walking into the paddock with my husband. Although he is carrying the bag with the bread, the approaching horses still keep their distance. With me they are almost treading on my toes. When he leads his horse from the paddock it follows him without faltering. If I fetch it, it keeps halting and refusing to budge. Why does it not do that for my husband? When I took as closer look at that question it became clear that
I am very aware how the horses are stronger than me, and I ask myself why they still obey or follow me. I know I would have no chance if the horse does refuse to continue or if the other horses charged at me – and part of me is scared of that happening. My husband simply does not have thoughts like that. He takes it for granted that horses and dogs will do what he wants them to. And that they will do this without him even having to say anything. They follow him if he just thinks about that. This also works with other dogs and horses, not only his own.
What does my husband have and I lack? Natural authority. It is an inner approach that has a clear and straightforward manner of expressing what we want, so that the others ‘follow’ in a completely natural way. This is expressed through his words and the tone he speaks them, but also non-verbally, in his gestures, facial expressions and – I think – in his ‘radiance’. People who have this are respected, not only by dogs, horses and other pack animals but also by colleagues, bosses, children and partners. Natural authority can be experienced in people who merely need to enter a room and people will turn towards them, without them even opening their mouths. “True leadership is conducted from inner to outer” is something I read in a psychology textbook.
If we have respect, we do not have to tell our children three times to clear the table, only for them to nod and then carry on ignoring us. We do not have to scream in order to be heard. We do not have to threaten punishment and sanctions if things are not done. The jogger I described above had natural authority. It triggers a natural impulse to obey in the other person.
The opposite of this inner authority can be seen in people who are constantly ignored. Other people simply do not hear them when they say things around the coffee table or in a meeting. They might make a great suggestion, but others will not notice. Or even worse: Somebody else does listen to them. But this third person then repeats what they said and gets the praise.
How do we gain respect?
Most articles on this issue describe how we should pay attention to our external signals, posture, gestures and facial expressions. They also suggest we should try to “radiate confidence”. But how do we “radiate confidence”? How do I get a dog or a horse to follow or obey me? If I want a human to obey me it might help if I adapt my clothing and appearance, but this will not work for animals. It really is about our ‘radiance’ and inner attitude. Fortunately, it is possible to work on that, too. In fact, nowadays there are even special courses involving horses which are designed to improve human leadership skills. Since a horse will give you immediate feedback about what you are radiating or not. That is something I see time and time again in the paddock.
The energetic aspect
From the energies point of view, there can be obstructions covering up our natural authority. These arise as the result of painful events and trauma. Perhaps we had a domineering father or a teacher who would humiliate us in front of the class. Statements such as “Who do you think you are?!” or “Don’t imagine you will be able to do that” are familiar to many of us. These experiences lead to blockages in our flow of energy, for example in the so-called ‘power chakra’ (solar plexus) which is responsible for the strength and development of our personality.
In order to resolve these blockages and re-vitalise our natural authority, we developed the energy spray I am met with respect. There is a similar spray for leadership issues with animals: I'm the Boss. The main difference between the two is that for animals the pack leader is supposed to be dominant, perhaps even authoritarian in their approach. Their will is a command. The others give way to the leader.
Being respected happens together with other humans when there is an encounter of equals. I respect and factor in the wishes and needs of the other person, behave in an appreciative way, and phrase my wishes or instructions in such a way that the other person accepts them and obeys them, when it is suitable for them to do so. Just as in the example of the jogger I described, where I obeyed and jumped out of his way.
For the energy spray I am met with respect we have received a lot of feedback, from managers, teachers or kindergarten educators. It has also helped people who have been leaders for a long time already but experience feelings of insecurity in other situations such as buying a car. One lady reported how she used the spray before a panel interview to become a teacher. She had actually only applied for approval for the subject English, but the panel then authorised her to teach German and Latin as well, even though she had not directly requested it.
In order to develop and enhance our natural authority, it is recommended to apply the energy spray over a period of several weeks. For situations where we feel insecure or anxious, we can then spray it additionally shortly beforehand or perhaps the evening before.
